Are you stressed by job relocation? Coaching tips part 1

Researchers and human resource managers have long realized that moving to a new community may be one of the most stress-producing experiences a family faces. In fact, many experts rank it third in intensity, just trailing the death of a close family member and divorce. So if you (and your family) are facing a job-related move, you may find this post helpful.

Even a mobile society finds it hard

Even in a global workforce where relocation is common, few would deny that moving is stressful. Here are a few whys shared by my clients:

  • It means saying goodbye to people and places we care about, ranging from home and family to friends and areas we’ve grown to love.
  • It’s just plain hard work—selling a house, obtaining housing in the new location, packing and transporting goods, and settling in.
  • The kids (this was a repeated lament whether the “kids” were toddlers, grade-schoolers or teens) need extra attention.
  • It’s an all-consuming adjustment—everything changes: routines, schools, friendships, physical surroundings and community.

It’s interesting; because I’ve heard the above comments from clients relocating from one U.S. spot to other countries and vice versa, within the U.S. or totally outside the United States. Expatriate or repatriate. Sometimes it’s an internal move. Sometimes it’s a new employer. The specifics are not the gist; it’s still change.

My clients’ emotions have encompassed:

  • Shock. “I can’t believe it! We were just getting settled. Now we have to move again!”
  • Resentment. “I am so sick and tired of this. I don’t want to do it anymore.”
  • Fear. “I love the slow pace of people in the Deep South. How will I relate to fast-paced New Yorkers?!”
  • Sadness. “I will miss ______ (people, places, events, activities) so much.”
  • Anxiety. “How will I do this again? I can’t possibly get it all together.”
  • Uncertainty and awkwardness. “I feel out of place. I’m not confident. Will I fit in?” (Expatriating employees and spouses are especially susceptible.)

Tell it like it is

I’m not a mental health professional. But I know what I know from 25 plus years as a career coach working with global clients. When people relocate for their jobs, the feelings above (and more) hurt. They’re uncomfortable. They’re also normal. You’re losing something you had. If you’re the relocated employee’s spouse, you may also be giving up a job you love to boot. Whatever your story and however painful your feelings, acknowledge them. One basic rule for managing change is to let ourselves feel what we feel; and to discuss our feelings with people we trust. It’s the same for children, adolescents or adults. Talk as a family. Include everyone involved who is old enough to understand what’s happening.

Tackle the endings first

Author and organizational consultant, William Bridges, says that most people react to change by navigating their way through three distinct changes: Endings, the Neutral Zone and New Beginnings. Ironically, Endings come first. Why? Because it’s getting closure before the transition. Here are some tips to make that ending better.

  • Say farewell with rituals. Nothing extravagant or elaborate. It could be a trip to the family’s favorite restaurant or park. Your kids, you or together might host a pizza party or cookout. What matters is taking time to say goodbye to people and places.
  • Try a pre-relocation hello. Obviously if you are moving far away, you probably won’t be going back and forth. But you can do research using the internet and informational interviewing. Tap the employer or company heading the relocation for resources ranging from schools, to doctors, to neighborhood welcome wagons.
  • Pamper. There’s enough change going on! It’s not the time to abandon your normal routines of self-care of sleep, exercise, and eating. Even if you don’t have a strong self-care routine, try to at least get enough sleep and the right food. You’ll be more energized and clear headed.
  • Manage your outlook. Have reasonable expectations of yourself and others. Relocation is hard. Remember the stress factor? You probably won’t handle everything perfectly. It’s OK! And neither will everyone around you on this or the other end. But as the saying goes, “this too shall pass.” It’s going to be OK. Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that can happen?”
  • Embrace humility. Don’t hesitate to ask for help. Don’t confuse asking for help with self-pity or weakness. And just as people usually want to help you in your job search, they also want to help in your transition. Arm yourself with contacts and related information prior to the move. Reach out to these people. Get more referrals. Reach out to them. Do the “N” thing – network!
  • LOL goes a long way. Throughout the relocation experience, keep your sense of humor. If you don’t have one, try and develop it. Have the mindset that this is another adventure. If it becomes a favorite time in your life, wonderful! If not, it was just one chapter. A laugh out loud—or a few—can go a long way in helping your transition be one you’ll look back on with a smile.

Do you have a job relocation tip or memory to share? I’d love to hear from you!

Photo: richmooremi

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