Have you ever scolded yourself saying, “Oh, I did it again”? Perhaps you told an inappropriate joke in a business or networking setting, or overpromised something you knew in your heart you could not deliver. Or acted defensively to criticism, instead of accepting what might be constructive and helpful. We all do things we wish we did not do. Here are some tips that might help you reverse the pattern with your repetitive slip-ups!
Why we do it
Our brains are wired to replicate behavior patterns we learned as children. When stress triggers our hot button, we have an automatic tendency to revert back to what we learned for endurance and safety. We form our habits way back. We learn lessons about rejection, approval, fairness, prejudice and the like. What we learn is reinforced by our parents, siblings, mentors, teachers, other family members etc. Though logically, we may know not to do something—and in unruffled times, we can usually take a deep breath and think it through; to respond to situations in the right way, is it ever quite that easy?! When we feel anxious or rushed on a tight schedule, old patterns take over. Before we know it, we have done it again. It’s like the movie Groundhog Day with Bill Murray; we find ourselves reliving the negative in a sort of time loop!
Breaking the cycle
“Okay,” you say. “It’s fine to know why I do it; but how do I stop?” Well, I believe in the adage that first you have to acknowledge. Then what counts is how you move forward. Here are some strategies for action.
- Examine your career and note where you have caught yourself in behavior repetition.
- Write a brief list of your most irritating behavior patterns. Review the list at the start of each day. It should take just a few minutes.
- Every time you find yourself in a situation where you sense a habitual reaction growing in your belly, just stop. Take a very deep breath.
- Then, do the opposite of what you normally do. So, if you usually have a knee-jerk reaction and speak loudly, be quiet; if you go on about things, speak in a short sentence or two; if you always give in, hold your ground (“No” is a complete sentence).
- Record what happens when you do the opposite of your norm.
- Observe how others react to your changed responses, and write that down as well.
- Do this for at least six weeks, which experts say is the average amount of time for behavior patterns to diminish in intensity.
Broken patterns = commitment = positive change
There is great personal power in breaking repetitive negative behavior. It’s particularly true for those in leadership or positions of authority and responsibility. The best leaders are those who are willing to lead by example rather than merely talking the talk. Just think of the powerful message you send when people see that you have clearly made changes in the way you typically react—responses that have held back the best possible results. Others cannot help but be encouraged to try doing things differently.
It really is amazing to see those who change behaviors and become catalysts for change. New, creative ideas emerge. Old ways and obstacles are cleansed from the organization. I’ve seen it happen in coaching leaders and teams. It’s almost mesmerizing to witness!
There’s a saying widely attributed to Frank Outlaw; but with the jury still out on its source. Regardless of whose tongue it first rolled off of, it’s a powerful mantra!
Watch your thoughts; they become your words.
Watch your words; they become your actions.
Watch your actions; they become your habits.
Watch your habits; they become your character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
Photo: purpleapple428
