Every workplace has them. Those people who are intimidators, complainers, know-it-alls … the list is long. Here are some strategies for coping with even the most negative or hard-to-love folks who challenge your serenity on the job.
Deal with the most common annoyers
- The whiner. If you work with a chronic complainer who starts on a rant, ask this question. “Do you want fixes or do you just want me to listen?” If he/she picks the first option, lay out very specific advice. Stay focused, so they will not be able to complain about other things. If they choose option two, set a time limit. My client, Jerry, kept a timer on his desk. Those who came to him to vent had four minutes!
- The know-it-all. It’s easy to take this type of person’s antics personally. That’s rarely the case. A great strategy for dealing with this personality is to parrot back what is said. If Lucy says to you, “You should start John’s performance review with XYZ,” reply with, “If I’m hearing you correctly, you’re saying I’m not prepared to do John’s appraisal.” Frequently, know-it-alls are not aware of how righteous they sound. Your parroting can force them to clarify, “That’s not what I meant.”
- The bully. A great strategy here is to stay vague with short non-answers. “I’ll get back to you when I’ve got a moment.” Why does this work? Bullies want attention; they’re likely to give up if they can’t engage the “victim”. A second tactic is to stay silent for a few seconds after they say something. Staying quiet projects confidence. Confidence keeps bullies off guard. The situation may easily diffuse rather than escalate.
Keep calm
- Adopt a mantra. When you’re dealing with difficult people, repeating a silent mantra to yourself can be helpful. Something like, “This is just another life test. It’s not important in the scheme of things.” This silent realty check gives you something calming to focus on. Scientifically, it shifts your thinking from the emotional right brain to the rational left brain, helping you regain composure and alleviate worries around this particular incident.
- Use TLC. I’m not referring to tender loving care here. When dealing with challenging personalities, pick your battles. You always have three choices in the instant. Take it, Leave it, or Change it. If you choose to take it, tell yourself, “It’s okay for now. I can let Bob Know-It-All rant and rave.” If you decide to leave it, accept that you and Bob may never have a great relationship, and move on. If you decide to change it, you’ve chosen to communicate to Bob how you feel about a particular behavior of his. He then knows your expectations on what needs to change. Giving yourself three choices means you don’t have to stress over every encounter.
Stay future focused
- Specify consequences. It’s not always easy to stop a negative person on the spot; but it is easier to prevent future face-offs. The next time Martha takes over in your coaching a junior employee,” say, “Martha, in the future, if this happens, I’ll leave the room.” Martha will know what to expect.
- Make your own sunshine. As cheesy as it might sound, it really is true that one of the best ways to move through a negative interaction is to be good to yourself. Ask yourself what was most upsetting about the encounter. If, for example, you felt a loss of control, doing something you love—like yoga or cooking—can make you feel in charge again. If you felt judged, call a friend or family member who respects and supports you. Connecting with people and things you care about clears away lingering negativity.
People are interesting creatures. Part of what makes them so is personality variety. It also causes workplace conflict. Adopting strategies to deal with people-related issues can in a nutshell, just make life a bit easier. Less time with the stress; more time getting the right things done!
Photo: o5com
